Bittersweet: Mercies in Disguise

Dwight passed away at 1:30 a.m. on Sunday, May 22.

This week I have been overwhelmed with emotion. My emotions have run the gamut of despair, peace, anxiety, zeal, disappointment, sadness, longing, frustration, and hope.

Throughout it all, I have been reading Bittersweet by Shauna Niequest. I have been thankful for her insights and reminders. The premise of the book is written on the back and has become, for me, a passage of challenge and encouragement:

The idea of bittersweet is changing the way I live, unraveling and re-weaving the way I understand life. Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of lightness on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness.

Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter and the sweet. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. It's courageous, gutsy, audacious, earthy.

This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. I've learned the hard way that change is one of God's greatest gifts, and most useful tools. Change can push us, pull us, rebuke us, and remake us. It can show us who we've become, in the worst ways, and also in the best ways. I've learned that it's not something to run away from, as though we could, and that in many cases, change is a function of God's graciousness, not life's cruelty.

I think this week has been bittersweet. While death, loss, emptiness, and sadness are very real, I am so thankful for what is beautiful in the midst of it. Will you join me in thanking God for...?

• Dwight's life and friendship
• How Dwight knew Jesus and is now dancing in heaven
  
• The way Dwight's family has been supported by extended family, friends, and even strangers
• The reminder that life is short and precious, requiring that we live life to the fullest
• That the same way a friend's death following brain damage was a step in Dwight's spiritual journey, now Dwight's life and physical death can be a stepping stone to transformation for others (See his testimony here.)
  
• The spiritual transformation of some of Dwight's family members
• An opportunity to cling to God's promises even when we don't understand circumstances
  
• The fact that we always have reason to worship

The following song is an honest observation of what we hope and pray for, while it is also recognizes that blessings come through raindrops and healing comes through tears.

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise


"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea...."
Psalm 46:1-2

"The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him."
Nahum 1:7

Note: I will continue to post a few songs over the next few days that have ministered to me through acknowledgment of God as God, as well as honesty in pain and brokenness. Please follow the blog and/or check back often for song updates. Consider the posts ongoing opportunities for prayer and worship in the midst of a season of loss. If you have any song recommendations, please do not hesitate to contact me.